PAR 01-05-2015

Prelude

It’s silent. Just completely silent. One wonders, how is it possible in this country, torn by war?
It seems so out of place. It doesn’t belong here, yet it’s so relaxing and comforting.

My name is Volc, and i’m the FNG. I fear what will happen today. We’re supposed to attack the SoS, who have established fortified positions to our south.
From what i’ve heard from my brothers in arms in the cantina, the SoS previously captured the president who was secured and extracted to safety at a later point.
Jesus, what’s wrong with these guys? We’ve just had one of the biggest - if not the biggest - revolution in the history of our country, everything calmed down for a bit, and now they’re at it again? I’m in Alpha 1, and we should be fine. After all, nobody fucks with CNTO.

My palms are sweaty. It’s morning, and we’re in the base. Nobody’s moving, and i quickly grab the opportunity to light a cigarette. I close my eyes, relax for a bit, and try to clear my head. "Remember your training Volc, you should know how to handle AT launchers!" i tell myself. Little did i know what would happen next, and how the training would help me.

"Lets get moving. FTL’s, check your radio’s and do pre-briefing" i heard Ryujin say. Next thing i heard was "Alpha 1, switch to radio channel 2" by my FTL/AAR, followed by a "We’ve got a problem " from the armory. "What the fuck is happening?"i said to myself, when i heard the explosions around me. "We’re not going anywhere…"

The initial push

It seemed like there was a problem with vehicles which wouldn’t fire up their engines. This was solved pretty quickly, sat down with Ryujin, and got our orders.
SoS fortified their positions like crazy, and we’re in for a treat. Alpha and Bravo were to split up at the first junction, with Bravo going South, and Alpha traveling west towards their first objective. We quickly mounted up, and whilst waiting for the convoy to be sorted out, we started doing some funny business. - Lead Alpha jeep, that’s you. grins - The convoy quickly rolled out, with Bravo being the leading element. When we reached the junction, Bravo was already far ahead of us, and we quickly moved into position to assault the keep. Dismounting happend, and the order for ’ Create a 360 degrees ’ came out. I quickly took a sector, and called out which one i had. After settling down for a few minutes, we started to move up with Alpha 2 towards the top of the hill. All of a sudden, i hear a loud "Contact" followed by an AK firing. "They’re engaging us!", i heard somebody say. "Well, shoot the fuck back!", i heard Ryujin say. He didn’t have to say that twice, because we inmediately started firing upon the SoS. We quickly found out that they were trying to surround us. Bullets landing close to me in the grass, hearing the wizzing of the bullets, my adrenaline was pumping. It seemed like my brain took itself to the next stage, and i became super reactive, watching as much as i could with a quick eye.We managed to take down a few contacts, started clearing the keep and the adjacent ruins, and secured the area. However, Alpha 2 was being engaged from the hill behind us, some 400 meters away. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much we could do at that time, other then provide a little suppressive fire. Our FTL had been shot, and there wasn’t much we could do for him. Chris immediately took command, relayed this to Ryujin, and we moved on, and decided to take overwatch positions in one of the ruins. We provide covering fire for Alpha 2, who were already pushing onwards, and then tried to follow in their steps. When we got the order to move out of the ruin, everyone ran like crazy of the stairs. I was the last man, and i stared amazed and with fear that my buddy was lying down at the bottom of the stairs. "Ehr, we’ve got a casualty, i think it’s Volc" i heard somebody say. Quickly mentioned that i was still alive, and that it was somebody else. "Okay Volc, come down the stairs, with ease. We don’t want you to die either". I can tell you guys one thing, i’ve never walked down stairs so calm and controlled.

We quickly formed up with the remaining members of Alpha-1, and started moving out.

All alone in a friendly crossfire.

We moved out towards a small compound, quickly cleared it, and waited there for a minute to catch our breath and setup our plan of attack on the small village up ahead. "Technical,medium armor!" i heard somebody say. I concentrated, closed my eyes to focus on my ears, and indeed, i could hear it as well. "Volc/Zjosua, rockets up!" I quickly grabbed my RPG. There was debate to go for the AT-rifle which was in the field that we just crossed. Price - i believe it was him - dropped all of his gear, only kept his weapon, and tried to make a run for it. Unfortunately, the technical came in on the moment he tried to run for it. "It’s coming, get ready!" i heard Chris and Ryujin say. I was nowhere in position, didn’t have eyes on him until the last possible moment. "Zjosua" i shouted, "you can take him!". Zjoshua ran out the front door of the compound the moment the technical was rolling by, shouted "backblast clear! " and fired. Unfortunately, he killed himself due to the backblast hitting the wall behind him. I heard some laughing, followed by an instant "Volc, on me!" by Ryujin. I did as i was told, and took position covering the North-Western sector. "Stay here, and shoot the fucker" Ryujin said. "I don’t see him, where is he then?" i replied. The way Ryujin’s voice was when he said that, made me believe that the technical was actually visible, and i was lagging/clipping. "No, it’s under the crest of the hill, just wait!" he said. And i waited. I heard the technical coming in. "There he is"shouted Ryujin. "Take that fucker out!" i heard somebody shout. Time slowed down for me, it seemed like everything was in slow motion. "Don’t miss, don’t you dare to fucking miss" i told myself. Steadied my aim, and fired. A trail of smoke blinded my sight, but what i heard was enough. Boom. The smoke quickly dispersed, and i heard a lot of shouting, exciting yells and a whole lot of "Fuck yeah!". I couldn’t help myself but to start smiling, shouting as well, and almost screaming at it. "With kind regards of Alpha-1, Fuck you and have a nice day" i shouted. "Good shooting" i heard around me. I threw my rocket away, and we prepared to move again.

After crossing the open field, we settled down for a minute near the forest, with the objective to get into position to capture the first town. A 360 degrees cover field was setup, and we heard that reinforcements were incoming. "Good, we’re going to need them" i said to myself. We heard that FTL Swipp was on his way to us, so we gave our position via map marker. All of a sudden, we heard gunfire, and we immediately looked around to see where it came from. We saw contacts moving on the main road, but we were told not to fire. So we waited. "Swipp, you still up?" AAR Chris said. "Swipp, come in"… Nothing came out of the radio, but static… Just plain static… "Did we lose him again?" , which was quickly confirmed by AAR Chris. "Friendly fire"Then it dawned on me. We’re all alone, undermanned, only 3 man strong with Ryujin as an extra with us. Alpha 2 was nowhere to be seen.

The feeling i got a that moment is hard to describe. Fear of dying, waiting for an absolution, which wouldn’t present itself. Fear of not being able to protect my battle buddies. It seemed like there was no way to distinguish friendly or enemy fire, since we were losing men because of this. I felt like the entire environment was laughing at us, maniacally laughing at us, whilst whispering that we’d soon be part of them, filled with bullets. A shiver ran down my spine. This peaceful world seemed so aggressive all of a sudden. I wanted to get out, and regroup with Alpha 2, away from this mess, just peace. One wonders, is one fit to be a soldier? As they say, this was hell, and the fear of dying made it hell. One really looks at ones life when in a situation like this, and tries to reconcile with the demons that they’ve got. "God bless Alpha-1" i whispered to myself.

And then, it all changed. The dark forest became light again, the sun came through the leaves and the trees, and i spotted Alpha-2. "Chris, Volc, be aware, friendlies closing in from our south". Chris quickly acknowledged this, and Alpha-2 bunny-hopped over us. At the top of the hill, Alpha-2 lay a base of fire overlooking the small village. We waited until they were in position, and then we moved towards them.

Unfortunately, friendly fire again. A battle buddy moved in front of the barrel of Alpha-2, which got him killed. Small mistake, with an unfortunate consequence for everybody. We quickly tried to put up an base of fire so that Alpha-2 could move up, and start taking the town.

Breaching!

As Alpha-2 moved up enough and cleared the first village, we moved behind them, slowly checking our sectors. Alpha-2 broke of to an unknown location, and we moved in towards a small compound with a big barn. We held up there for a few minutes, and i was able to relax for a bit whilst checking my sectors. This didn’t last long. "Contact!" i shouted, and we started to engage an enemy patrol. We quickly took them out, without any troubles or casualties. 10 minutes passed by, untill we got word that reinforcements were coming in. "Finally!" i thought to myself, we can get up to initial strength again. We were in luck, because Bravo was present as well. "Oh yes, here comes our push!" Ammo and medicine were distributed. The FTL’s and AAR’s moved back a bit to a safer location for briefing whilst we waited,kept checking our sectors, and did some small talk about what happened. "Volc, on me!" said Chris over the radio. I double-timed towards them, and i was informed that i should go with Ryujin. "Fuck, did i do something wrong?" i said to myself, with utter distress in my mind. "Did i do something wrong?" i asked Ryujin. "Nope, i just need your help." I sighed a bit of relief. " We need to provide logistics to start moving our troops into town. The trucks at our initial drop-off point, so we need to collect them. "Sure, whatever you need me to do, i’m up for it" i replied to him.
We arrived at the trucks, checking which ones were suitable, and moved out towards the small compound to start moving everybody. Everybody double checked if they had enough ammo and such, and i got myself a shiny new RPG. Whilst taking that in, i heard some screaming from the compound saying "technical incoming!". Everybody assumed firing positions and started firing at the infantry + technical. "I’ve got it, i’ll take him down" i yelled whilst grabbing my RPG. After gazing at the technical, i quickly stopped myself from firing, because it was just a truck. "Don’t fucking fire the RPG!" i heard Ryujin say. "No,no,no, I’m not doing that!" i replied. After we took them out, i started laughing, and told Ryujin that "the AT training payed off". Ryujin started laughing and acknowledged that he was happy to hear that. Ryujin re-arranged Alpha, loaded up, and started moving towards the town. We had the initial idea that we’d made contact with an technical and/or infantry, but this wasn’t the case. We dismounted not far from the town, up on a cliff, and carefully moved down the cliff whilst engaging the few enemies that we saw. After reaching the base of the cliff, i heard Chris shouting "Technical!,medium armor!" again. I Immediately picked up my RPG, but couldn’t get a visual. We stayed put, had several sightings of the technical, and then it vanished.(It was later taking out by another element) We moved into town, splitting up in buddy teams. While moving into town, we are engaged by several hard contacts. We quickly took them out, without much problems, and continued to clear the town, even withstanding the small enemy counter attack. Unfortunately, the other Alpha-1 buddy team lost a few of it’s members. After clearing the town, we took position in the industry complex of the town, and provided overwatch for Bravo 2.

The dead lie together.

After providing overwatch for a few minutes, i notice a few soft contacts on the hill. We engaged them, to make sure Bravo would have an easier time to advance. Next thing i knew, i see a lot of explosions on top of the hill, with the mentioning that i should come down, and we are going to link up at the top of the hill.

Whilst running towards the top, i could see what happend. Our armor took out the entire enemy counterattack, and created a mass grave. All elements regrouped there, and we got debriefed.

[u]A few words.[/u]

First of all, this was my first real mission with you guys. I have to say, the level of play and the detail that’s going into these events is truly insane from what i can see. Props to all of you guys. Seeing the way you guys work, it provides an immersive feeling that’s pretty much indescribable. I’m really looking forward to the future, and see what i can give CNTO in return.

Salutes to all of ya. o7

I really like it :slight_smile: go on pleas … i would do this to if i could write a better English :slight_smile:

I don’t have any suggestions … i just enjoy :slight_smile:

It’s really good. Nice job.

Something that I feel is ruining it a bit is that you can’t really decide if you’re writing as you’re actually in the game or as you’re playing a game. Things like "I fear what will happen today. We’re supposed to attack the SoS, who have established fortified positions to our south." and "We’ve just had one of the biggest - if not the biggest - revolution in the history of our country, everything calmed down for a bit, and now they’re at it again?" suggest that you’re writing as a character. You’re doing a sort of a diary for a soldier in our operation. On the other hand mentioning things like mods suggest that it’s a game. I think you should stick to one of these. Other wise it’s really nice reading :smiley:

That, yes. It’s called narrative point of view. What you did was swap between the player’s PoV and the soldier’s PoV without proper segregation (not that it would have been perfect had you segregated the PoVs, as they two don’t mesh well).

Additional things to keep in mind are that: Sentences deal with a single thought, action, or conclusion, etc; and paragraphs deal with a single topic, and/or a single character.

If you want any more writing tips, feel free to ask. You have the spirit for it, I can see that. You just need knowledge and practice.

[quote user_id=“4259784” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/4259784/avatar/medium.1400079666.png” name=“Anders”]It’s really good. Nice job.
Feedback[/quote]
Dully noted, i’ll make the proper adjustments.[quote user_id=“137813” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/137813/avatar/medium.1399923545.png” name=“Kaleo”][quote user_id=“4259784” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/4259784/avatar/medium.1400079666.png” name=“Anders”]Stuff[/quote]

Feedback.[/quote]
Yes, thanks, i’ll try to implement it.

What i do need to mention is that there are some things in the complete story that are fictional, to give the whole story/PAR a more alive feeling. If i get some things wrong - because this is all drawn from mind, without a map to aid me - please tell me! I’m not certain about certain movements, so update me on this so i can portray it correctly.

Oh don’t worry about accuracy. Nobody bonks you over the head for missing shots, and nobody will bonk you over the head for creating something that is not entirely realistic.

Do you plan to write post-op stories regularly?

[quote user_id=“137813” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/137813/avatar/medium.1399923545.png” name=“Kaleo”]Oh don’t worry about accuracy. Nobody bonks you over the head for missing shots, and nobody will bonk you over the head for creating something that is not entirely realistic.

Do you plan to write post-op stories regularly?[/quote]

Still, i want to deliver the best possible product, so the PR team can use this if they wish, to help the community.

In regards to your question, yes, if i have the time.
Like i said yesterday in Teamspeak- after the mission - (This was supposed to be my treat for CNTO, but ah well, let’s just spill the beans) i plan to write a book about CNTO. That is, about a certain campaign. Unfortunately, this campaign won’t be suitable for me due to the fact that i missed the original missions. I know there is a lot of stuff available, but it isn’t the same as having experienced it first hand. Gives an whole another vibe to the environment.

– Edited OP, Part 2 included –

This looked really great, although I would just like to point out that it’s actually the CNTO, not the CNCO :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: .

Maybe we can implement the war photographs to make the PAR/AAR look even better.

[quote user_id=“11585258” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/11585258/avatar/medium.1412003243.jpeg” name=“Chris”]This looked really great, although I would just like to point out that it’s actually the CNTO, not the CNCO :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: .

Maybe we can implement the war photographs to make the PAR/AAR look even better.[/quote]

Small typo. Sorry.
I agree, i will probably not be able to finish this up with pictures until after the weekend. In any case, if you have some, they are always welcome! I’m really looking for ones where the map is displayed, markers ex/included if possible.

I know i can retrieve this myself, but i simply don’t have the time this weekend to sort that out, so if somebody could supply me with this, it would be a great timesaver to get it up and running A.S.A.P.

Updated OP. Story is complete. If anybody could provide me with pictures, that would be nice. (Map pictures are preferred)

Thanks.

o7

Edit : Could a mod change the thread title please? Can’t change it myself.

First of beautifully written. It’s really nice to get these kinda look-backs from other members and especially when you can see that there have been put an extensive amount of work into what you’re reading. Other than that I got some small comments on your language and how to improve it since the flow sometimes lacked by certain gramma and story issues.

From time to time you reapeat things like names or small sentences colse to each other which makes it hard to read. For example:

"he tried to make a run for it. Unfortunately, the technical came in on the moment he tried to run for it."

"We heard that reinforcements… We heard fireteam leader Swipp… We heard gun shots"

Other than that you have a quite extensive use of comma. On most languages comma is used like you do it here but in English it pretty seldom is and especially not before "and". Remember "If in doubt, leave it out"

You switch between present and past tense from time to time. Not that much but as with comma you can do it on most other languages but in English it’s a different story. You can only really do it when starting a new "chapter".

"undermanned, only 3 man strong with Ryujin as an extra…"
This part kinda bugged me. I felt like it took sentences to go from "All of a sudden we heard gunfire" till "only 3 man strong…" It would have been nice with a little more text describing soldiers how you got hit, how hard and so on. Just something to make it more clear that you were actually taking fire.

Hopre this didn’t put you of. I think you did great in your writing and i’m really looking forward to reading more from you!

Hey Volcania,

I’ve read your PAR and must say I like it very much. Can’t wait to read your future PARs, even if they’re only half as long as this one. Keep them coming. :thumb:

As for the thread tittle, you’d need to give me a title to change it to.

[quote user_id=“670040” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/670040/avatar/medium.1462837978.png” name=“VolcaniaNL”]Prelude

"Technical!" i heard somebody say. I concentrated, closed my eyes to focus on my ears, and indeed, i could hear it as well. "Volc/Zjosua, rockets up!" I quickly grabbed my RPG. There was debate to go for the AT-rifle which was in the field that we just crossed. Price - i believe it was him - dropped all of his gear, only kept his weapon, and tried to make a run for it. Unfortunately, the technical came in on the moment he tried to run for it. "It’s coming, get ready!" i heard Chris and Ryujin say. I was nowhere in position, didn’t have eyes on him until the last possible moment. "Zjosua" i shouted, "you can take him!". Zjoshua ran out the front door of the compound the moment the technical was rolling by, shouted "backblast clear! " and fired.
[/quote]

Keep in mind that in most cases a technical (if a proper contact report has been made) is a vehicle with a gun mounted on it. Like a pickup with a .50 cal. If that is the case we use small arms to take it out and not our valuable AT ammo.

Story is good though ! Just wanted to mention this :slight_smile:

[quote user_id=“11355973” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/11355973/avatar/medium.1413104263.jpeg” name=“Ryujin”]Hey Volcania,

I’ve read your PAR and must say I like it very much. Can’t wait to read your future PARs, even if they’re only half as long as this one. Keep them coming. :thumb:

As for the thread tittle, you’d need to give me a title to change it to.[/quote]

Just remove the " Teaser " in the title. :slight_smile:

[quote user_id=“4259784” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/4259784/avatar/medium.1400079666.png” name=“Anders”]
Hope this didn’t put you of. I think you did great in your writing and i’m really looking forward to reading more from you![/quote]

Thanks for the feedback. This truly helps, and no, you’re not putting me off, you’re encouraging me. The sole problem is that i’ve never really had english in class, and basically had to learn everything by myself. ( The Belgian school standard for english is below zero -.- )

In any case, i’ll try to utilise your tips in the next PAR.

[quote user_id=“3602631” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/3602631/avatar/medium.1411590107.jpeg” name=“Shiny”][quote user_id=“670040” avatar=“https://assets-cloud.enjin.com/users/670040/avatar/medium.1462837978.png” name=“VolcaniaNL”]Prelude
Keep in mind that in most cases a technical (if a proper contact report has been made) is a vehicle with a gun mounted on it. Like a pickup with a .50 cal. If that is the case we use small arms to take it out and not our valuable AT ammo.

Story is good though ! Just wanted to mention this :)[/quote]

Should have explained this better, true. Will edit post.[/quote]